difficulty writing questions

I wake up; knowing that time is of the essence (because of my stupidity in setting such a tight deadline for getting out a questionnaire)...

I get despondent about my task...again, I start to doubt my ability - but cling to the knowledge that the subject is interesting - and people have responded to it because of its interesting qualities...It's a good thing I do say things in public, this gives me the solid reason to commit to seeing it through. Talking about things is all well and good, but following up with actions surely makes the difference! we're learning about professionalism in the MFA...I've got my "processes" down, Documentation, eloquent emails, etc (all can still be polished and refined), but I feel that my practice lacks in solid evidence of execution. I've produced many design / video works for clients and friends, stuck to deadlines and communicated intensions, developments and outcomes...so I just have to apply it to my "artistic practice"....thing is, I've never had such a critical scrutiny in my design work as I have in my art, thanks to the level of intensity the MFA provides.

It's funny that I just get on with my design, I know what I do, and I have the ability to produce high quality work to a finished level...but, that's not good enough for the likes of Steve and J&T...and probably isn't if I were to apply a masters level to my design practice...

I am finding it amazing, and such giant leaps in understanding are taking place. Even from the end of semester 2 to jst after my last conversation with Iain, I have really started to click with what it is the "special study" is about.

Again, I think back to the professionalism, dedication and research needed to operate at the masters level. I know I am on the right track for my work now. I live to create work from opinion and experience, that's where the work comes from within me. I go for a walk int he woods, and I FEEL something, I want to SAY something about that experience. If it is gathering sticks and making a focus out of them, that's what I do. If it's photographing a tyre track in grass, I do that. I now understand that it's the context in which I react to the situation that is important. It’s the why, not the how (we're all great at "how" to make art...but no ton the why's).

I am also wrestling with the need to "not answer questions" with my art...I always will, perhaps, because of my logical / design part of the brain, occupying the same half as my arty side! I have been given the confidence to explore both aspects by Iain, his encouraging talks do give me a sense of direction, without being "prescriptive".

I feel the idea of collating others opinions to react to, to create works from is just what I've been looking for. Charlie Hackett's seminar is turning out to be quite influential on me. I'd put the point to him that "truth" is subjective, and how can he "trust" the participants to answer truthfully..."It doesn't matter to me" was his answer, and that's the difference between a Scientific / quantifiable survey / set of questions, and an artistic one. It's the fuzz, the greyness, the human fallibility that is committed to paper that is more interesting than scaled, predefined opinions (1 - 10) and yes no answers, so coke can sell you more drink or so "they" know where to charge more money for council tax...

If the questions I produce are deep, meaningful, interesting and engaging...perhaps just the list of them is "the work" along with my findings, presented in some form, picking up on anonymity or political / religious bias...(left / right) (up / down).

it's exciting, but I still need to get these questions down...tomorrow...I promise (there I go again!)

listening to : ui - iron apple : aberfeldy - young forever (thanks gabi....grumble grumble)